the first will be last

God is big and bold and powerful and doing Miracles. i forget that too often, or at least live like i do. im a very non-hormonal way (i swear) i've found myself crying my eyes out several times over the last few days just feeling so touched and in awe of well... everything. the good and the bad, the ups and downs, nature and nurture, etc. i've been shown so much revelation lately that i can barely begin to process it all. in fact to be honest i feel almost a little overwhelmed but in a good way of course. just forming new ideas about how people are and what peace is, what sin is, drawing and redrawing lines and priorities in my life is important. after all christians are to be living the "examined life" where by we constantly are inviting and expecting God to conform us in His image. the Blessed life isn't the easy life and we shouldnt expect it to be. The yoke is still a yoke, and we must learn to bear it gladly. the older i get the more my heart is changed on some topics that i grew up having an opinion about (and conversely age and experience also solidify and deepen convictions i've always held too). it's very easy to live how i have been (comfortably, without a real Witness, self-servingly, a slave to consuming or avoiding things) but i just cant do that and call myself a christian.

paraphrasing from the irresistible revolution (im a bit too lazy at the moment to find the book amidst my things and get the actual quote)

If you tell me that i must be born again to enter heaven (as Jesus said to Nicodemus) then I can tell you that God also told a rich man once that he must sell all of his possessions and follow Him (Jesus).

the book goes on to talk about "spiritual highlighters" and how we tend to emphasize what is easy (or easier) to be obedient with in the bible but disregard or downplay others. like how the church refuses to take a stand for pacifism (and actually supports war) even though many would agree that "love thy neighbor" didn't translate to invasion or bombing last i checked. when i read that i thought about how as a teenager i was involved in the Free Tibet cause. briefly of course, i was a fickle teenager ready to take up arms and issues with just about every injustice out there. anyways i started thinking about how we americans are the ones who need freed not them. i mean if your spirit is free aren't you therefore free? trust me God doesn't care what you look like or what sort of house you live in. ahem, His Son Jesus was nomadic and homeless after all. tibet made their choice for pacifism against the Chinese. it cost them a lot but oh how i long for that resolve and passion for peace. we are the wealthiest country but unequivocally the poorest in Spirit. so the above quote struck me right between the eyes, thank goodness. i'm not saying im going to take on voluntary homelessness or sell everything i own but i need to take on more poverty (and impoverished) in my life. give away more. if i havnt used it lately im hoarding it. if i buy it and i dont need it, im being over indulgent. i need to get over myself and stop thinking i deserve to be spoiled (no one does).

anyone want to move out of the city with us and start a small coop farm and raise babies to love Jesus and each other? taking applications!