so some big things are happening in my life. sunday at church the message was about healing and expecting miracles, then dissecting the ideas of why we no longer anticipate those two things in our lives. without even being conscious of why, i burst into tears and my heart started pounding. i was spiritually smacked in the face with the idea that i had no faith about being healed from my agoraphobia and anxiety attacks. i SAID i did but felt such conviction that in fact i was just fooling myself. (a senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless sort of thing...) at one time i did believe that i would be healed but apparently i lacked the patience for it to come and grew frustrated and disheartened which eventually gave way to resignation. the Enemy just lovvvves for us to become resigned to all kinds of things. i mean being sensitive to a subject or sin in our lives might actually make us do something about it! so after years and years of chronic anxiety the callous grew and i became utterly hopeless that God could and would bring me out of this. not that i just sat back and said "just heal me." i mean faith without works is dead right? of course i believe God could put his hand in someones life and BAM! no more (insert problem/sin/issue) but my life has taught me that usually he wants us to be an active participant in the process instead of passively sitting back and letting him do all the work.
so i went forward and received some prayer and the man praying over me told me to get up every morning for a week and read my bible. the first night i heard God tell me to read Haggai and he would speak to me. honestly i wasnt even sure if Haggai was a book of the bible!! so i went to the concordance and sure enough, Haggai was sandwiched between Zephaniah and Zechariah in the old testament (i confess im not much of an old testament reader sadly). chapter 2 was really meant for me to read. it spoke about the Temple being restored to it's former glory after years of letting it go to pot basically. how appropriate!! three times in the passage God said "be strong" - which i must and will do
The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty.
um WOW. for so long my "house" has been wrecked with this affliction. now i know that on His timetable and not mine, i will receive peace someday.
then last night i got another Word from God telling me to read Mark 5. as soon as i turned to the page my eyes fell to just one passage. it said "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." (5:34). again WOW.