i have chronic back pain, have for years and years. it isn't something that i talk about often. i always thought it was a result of years of pounding my body as a gymnast when i was growing as a pre-teen. last week my dad (chiropractor) told me that my right leg is 3 mm shorter than my left which throws off my pelvis and hips, which causes my to have scoliosis, which bingo! back pain. oh! now that makes a lot of sense. i was scanned for some "foot levelers" which as the name implies, levels you out. i think they should be in sometime next week and i can just slip them into my toms and off i go. i wonder if ill feel all unbalanced (kinda like fox news, nyuk nyuk) for a while.
i havnt been out to the garden for oh, two weeks? it's been chaotic around here with camping, renee's death, etc. i went there today and found all kinds of stuff rotting on the vine (2 kinds of tomatoes, broccoli that had flowered, hot peppers, sweet peppers). it was quite mocking of my emotional state. but then again i had a very large harvest of everything else. God reveals so much of Himself to me in the midst of that growing plot. it is my confessional and alter and getting my hands dirty feels like im studying the bible sometimes. just sitting quietly, reflecting and talking to Him, learning about this world He made with every leaf and bug, failure and success, pollinated flower and withered vine.
i've been working on a compilation to pass out to some of my close friends at sunday's celebration of renee's life. it's been really really emotional to listen to and pick out these songs. i dont know if im going to pass them out or not, is that too emo? many of my friends love music but i dont want to be that weird girl handing out mix tapes. God continues to help me through this loss, i can really feel the prayers of my family and friends lifting me up. so far today i have yet to feel the sting of hot tears on my cheeks so maybe that is a good thing. this year has exhausted me. can a person run out of tears?
this makes my day a lot better