Wednesday, February 25, 2009

wherein my head explodes

did you just hear that sound? it was my head exploding. not a pretty picture but nonetheless for metaphorical purposes, true. here's a run down of how today and most days have been running -

at about 7:15 i get a bonk on the head from some child who beckons demands me to get out of bed. i take olive to the potty and put clothes on both kids at this point. since monday and wednesday are preschool days ive got to make breakfast now- something that my dawdler son will eat in under 20 minutes (so nothing hand held like bagels or toast lest we be an hour late to school. seriously that boy is so pokey!) on days like today i take a 5 minute shower while they eat. i blow dry my hair and throw on some make up and clothes and make it down before they are done. which is as much to do with me be low maintenance and quick as them being slow poke kids when it comes to eating. and dressing. and ok everything - they are 3 and 1 after all. so they finish eating and im ready now but i ask my husband david to take augustine to school because ive got to get crack a lackin on my day. todays agenda includes making 15 dozen mini muffins, 10 of those are for church on sunday. but oh! i only had enough mini papers for 4 dozen so i throw olive on my hip and off we go to kroger for milk (we ran out this morning), mini papers, and also spinach because im making spinach lasagna for dinner. i get home and finish making the first 7 dozen muffins which were peach. scrumptious!! then it's time to pick up augustine (notice i havnt eaten anything yet?) but before we pick him up i drop off a movie that needs to be back to the library tomorrow (Choke). see, i have to do this first because if we go near the library but don't go IN certain three year old heads explode. (i wonder where he gets this from...) pick up augustine, start on batch two of muffins - this time banana nut. also scrumptious though not as sweet as i wanted. hey it's lunch time! on days like this i dont have any problems with them eating mac and cheese out of a box. nope, not one bit. it's 12:37 as i type this and i still havnt eat anything besides a sampling of both muffin batches. somewhere in there i put away a load of laundry, nursed a toddler, done the dishes, and went to the bathroom but it was a blur. also im in the midst of potty training olive so just imagine every 20-25 minutes of your day being interrupted by taking a kid to the can.

so that brings me to nap time. blessed, quiet, solitary naptime. normally i think folks relish this time as a moment for them to do something for themselves, and i shall - eat something! this is my two hours where i can usually drink a cup of tea without it needing to be reheated (possibly twice). but lately i've taken on a second job, third if you count (as i do, as i feel you should too if i can offer my opinion) my job as staying at home and taking care of house and home with two small kids. so job 1 - house & family, job 2 - medical transcription, job 3 - writing some new articles for with the house at least i can let stuff slip and get dirty or let the kids eat from boxes and run feral but jobs 2 & 3 have deadlines and that is where the head explosion happens. so back to naptime, this is where i spend two hours writing, reading, and researching for the articles and transcribing reports. at least i've got a hot cup of tea, a very friendly editor (one of my oldest friends from elementary school!), and i can burn some incense - which i couldnt do if i were in an office.

somewhere along the way i've become a person who can like, i dunno handle stuff. i think i used to have this impression of myself that everything about me was eclipsed by the anxiety disorder that felt So Huge. it's only as big as you let it be, which in itself is a big statement because for the first 8 yrs of my anxiety-life i've felt pretty much powerless to control it all. it was a boot on my neck when it was doing it's thing. oddly enough the more responsibilities i've taken on the less anxious i've felt, which does not make sense to me! not complaining one bit, just noting a seemingly contradictory play of events.

in conclusion, i apologize for the lack of updates and comments back and forth. i'm just knee deep in projects and research and short on me-time which to be quite honest when the moments do happen i'd rather just sack out on the couch and read a book. remember in 2007 when i read (more than) a book a week? those were the days.

ETA: for more information on what stay at home parents do all day, see also this.


Sarah Mosley said...

what is the medical transcription thing about?

Anonymous said...

I remember reading this column when it first came out and thinking...'Bravo, someone really gets it'. (Love the part about the snit) How dare anyone surmise that we have to 'fit' into someone else's mold? I've been on both sides of this arrangement-neither is easy. I believe one knows in their heart of hearts if what we are doing is right for our own families. Jane A

jenny mae. said...

sarah - i do this at home for my dad, who is a chiropractor. you listen to a tape and transcribe what they are saying.

mom - im so happy women have options these days. i wasnt denied a thing by you working (in fact it made for some hilarious babysitters!) im happy i can be at home. albeit a hectic (but love filled!) one