today i left the house. like i HAD TO LEAVE or else more tears would be shed. the kids laid down for a nap at around noonish and i sat there reading a book and all was quiet. well it was until my neighbor started yelling the worst obscenities. there were at least 3 children in the apartment and honestly i burst into tears hearing him talking about "beating their a$$" and telling them "f#ck you". i lost it and fell onto the couch praying so hard for peace to come into that house. i had to leave, but not before the dad slammed the door and left.
if the price for peace the absence of a father, so be it. ive had fantastic parents. parents who supported me in my outspokenness and, at times outrageousness. they stood by with a smile as in high school i brandished neon wigs and pants so wide at the bottom three people could fit inside. (i've come a long way in my fashion choices i believe) even in my reckless days where i smoked and got into trouble with the law, still they tethered me with their love and prayers. i've never known anything but love and i think that is rather rare in our culture. it shouldn't be, but it seems like it is.
just last night i was recounting a story to my friend maggie over some delicious chinese food. the story goes that in high school, my english class once had a substitute teacher. the next day when the primary teacher returned and asked what we had gone over the previous day, we said "nothing. the sub couldnt find your lesson plan." apparently he had left a note that the plan was on the lectern and the sub did not know what that meant. his comment was that basically if the sub was too stupid as to not understand what a lectern was, maybe he shouldnt be a teacher. i remember raising my hand and saying that i thought he was being pretty harsh on the guy and that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he could have made it easier by simply leaving the notes on the desk where they could be found without incident. now, in hindsight i realize that the teacher was older, clearly burnt out in his profession, and was probably just limping through his career to get to retirement and he was genuinely embarrassed to be called out. but a teenager doesn't process that. his response to my chide was to humiliate me and treat me like a bratty teenager who didn't respect his authority. his exact words "you were raised wrong and you ask too many questions." now i will concede some points that i do ask a lot of questions, but ill never back down that this is my right. i believe i threw a chair at this point and walked out fuming with hot tears coming down my face. i went straight to the principal demanding his attention to this incident and that no one talks to me or any other student that way. oh i wish i could have been a fly on the wall during the parent-teacher meeting that followed!
that incident really impacted me. briefly in college i was an education major i think largely as a desire to be the good influence and instructor that i think kids deserve. i had 100 fine/excellent teachers but the one that sticks out the most to me was that english teacher with a chip on his shoulder. i will also add that this teacher later became a patient of my fathers and "had nothing but good things to say about me". ??