Monday, July 20, 2009

lump in my throat

sunday the topic of the sermon was about our emotions and part of it was how we can tap into those emotions and see what direction God wants us to go/refrain from going. i get tense listening to that kind of talk because well... my heart strings are always being pulled in a million directions. and i honestly believe that i am supposed to dig deeper into all one million of those directions but that feels overwhelming. it is a hard thing to say that you are going to disregard what YOU want and do something for the greater good/for God/for others - just take yourself out of the equation. i mean can we ever take ourselves out totally? probably not, we are humans. but like - i want to grow smaller and smaller and let God grow bigger and bigger in me until i am utterly eclipsed. i see the seeds of things planted in me and what grows it is God. it is only God that illuminates the injustice that causes my heart to break. only God who exposes areas that needs redemption. only God who can redeem.

today's agenda for justice gardens consists of generating a list of free meal/food locations for the homeless and marginalized in our community. we need to create a rotation of places, the need is so great. i sit here with a very large lump in my throat making these calls, transferring this information, typing the names of so SO many shelters and pantries. good thing i serve the ultimate God of hope! i've never been much of an under rug swept sort of gal but gesh, this is emotionally taxing to engage such suffering.

in other news, augustine is off visiting my parents for an entire week! well work week rather. i am a little mopey. i may or may not have written him a note for every day he was gone. holy cow it is easier to get things done with one child than two! i asked olive what she wanted to do today and she said "take a baf together then you paint my nails." check. then we went to a girly brunch with tons of girlfriends of mine to celebrate my friend beth's birthday! the food was outrageous/illegal it was so good. tomorrow olive wants to swing on swings all day. we'll see.


grace said...

from the side of one who is working hard to feed those with out food...If I lived in your area, I would be so great full for what you are doing. And even more great full for your following the call on your life to do it.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

MamaFeelgood said...

hrmm...Your sermon was amazing and something I am going through myself right now.

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jenny mae. said...

rachel could we talk a little through email?

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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