david and i have been discussing a rather melancholy topic: life insurance. as much as i would like to ignore reality, death is as much a part of life as living. david's grandfather generously purchased whole life insurance policies for him (and our two children) at birth. i think the max payout is $500k if cashed in at 75 yrs old or his death. something along those lines at least. i however, have had no life insurance taken out on me. well until this week. it is no secret that i've got major struggles with anxiety/agoraphobia/panic attacks. in good seasons of life, which is almost always, they are manageable but ever present. right now i am employed and work from home doing medical transcription. it's a perfect set up honestly. however, God forbid something ever happen to david, i have little doubt that i would be unable to support my two kids financially on my own. i just don't have the coping skills to work a traditional job. the last time i worked outside of my home was in 2004 and the stress of the job when all was said and done left me so agoraphobic that upon quitting i didn't leave our apartment for a month. also i will note that i should have quit that job long before i did. i had panic attacks every single day about going there and finally one morning i woke up and couldn't get out of bed. i was so stressed that i just laid under the covers and dug my nails into my hands and cried and david said THAT'S IT. and he called my employers and told them i wouldn't be coming back. thankfully since then like to think i've gotten better at managing my anxiety and ativan useage and also i've been afforded several awesome opportunities to work from home.
but knowing what i know about the fabric of my being, again i don't think that however highly motivated i would be to provide, if i could cope with the demands of single parenthood/working full time outside the home. (even as i state this as a fact i feel an incredible sense of humiliation feeling like a weak person.) david graciously added onto his policy recently so that i wouldn't have to change our lifestyle if something ever happened to him. that thought makes me sick but it's just a fact of life. also, we got a policy for me. GUYS I AM WORTHY MONEY NOW! I AM MORE THAN A SCULLERY MAID! i keed i keed! but in all seriousness i think it's sensible and important to have life insurance.
if you have some, and it wouldn't feel too invasive, i'd love to heard what you guys have for your family.