Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Lent, Day 1
the heart of Lent is to experience what your life, specifically your spiritual one, could be like if you let go of something that you don't need. for christians we give that space over to God but i think there everyone who wants to be or do better could benefit from this exercise.
i've decided not only to give up Facbeook for 40 days, but also my impatience with my kids. i realized after posting that on twitter that the definition needs a little expanding upon. what i mean is that i no longer want to be controlled by my children being well, children. children are slow, stubborn (they have the patience of an Ent to wait you out!), messy, self-centered, loud, and in your way. but that is the nature of a child and i need to give them freedom to be a child (though certainly guide and correct them and all that). what i've noticed today, is that when i'm reminding myself to be patient with them i realize that almost every time the fight is something that could be prevented if i say, started lunch 15 minutes earlier and let them dawdle and pick at their food in a way that appeals to them. instead i start it when it makes sense to me and spend the next 30 minutes shrieking EAT! EAT! by being more mindful of the whole situation, as naturally to undertake this kind of thing you HAVE to be lest my adultness take over, i give us both freedom. them to be a child and live at, what appears to me to be a messy, slow pace of life and for me to be way, way less angry and demanding. we both enjoy life more so win/win.
i am already seeing what i already knew, that facebook and several other sites were major life/time suckers. i spent 15 minutes checking my email and doing a Lenten reading then put the computer away. i realize how void of silence and stillness my life has. i can rationalize this away with "well i have children!" and "well i have to work!" & etc. but really, i am fearful of doing nothing. i fear boredom. i don't exactly know where this comes from, maybe i will find out in the next 39 days?
one thing i've also noticed already is how much of a slave i am to my default. to attempt to wean yourself off of something with sheer will is um very difficult to say the least. i have never felt addicted to something really, well not "in bondage" to something i guess. like, i could quit if i wanted to! oh yeah, we'll let's just see how that works shall we? my reaction in every down minute is to fidget with some technology or somehow have an input of information so to turn down the volume on my whole life? it feels like there is an echo in my house and head. but that is what Lent is about! when you start to veer towards what you are attempting to resist, let that discomfort redirect you to God and let it start a conversation about something. earlier today i was thinking about that song (phrase?) "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." but my brain said "you don't know what's got YOU until it's gone."