i ran 2 miles yesterday and i think im finally starting to see why people love running. i have only ever run outdoors and that seems like a very different experience than running a treadmill (which is what i'm doing now). did i mention i got a free treadmill from @thatpatti? well i did and i love her/it. so far i've run twice this week and i think i'll keep going but not stress myself out over it if i don't do it 3x per week "like i'm supposed to". riddle me this: if i am at a good weight, have excellent blood pressure, and no other health issues why should i work out? i can't really think of a reason! i eat well (as much as i yap about junk food it makes up very little of my actual diet). i guess i want to be more toned? more lean? this celexa has put on about 5 pounds, which i am fine with honestly. i kind of like having a little jiggle, esp on my hips which i would say i have felt looked rather boyish most of my life.
i digress. so i officially have proof that they will let any little spiritual thumbsucker into leadership - we have been asked to lead a small group. which is "Christianese" for bible study/discussion group. we haven't given our final reply but i think we are going to do it, no matter how intimidating it feels. i greatly prefer to be a leader within a group, not The Leader. but in our vein of Jesus-loving being a leader just means a more of a willingness to look like a fool/putting yourself out there, showing up, praying for your group, and doing your homework. david in particular has come a long way not just spiritually (which is true!) but also in his forthcoming in a group. we have laughed many times how different david (and me too.) would have been in his personality had he not married such an outgoing chatterbox like me. at this point we are mostly trying to sort out whose home to host it at (ours? someone else?) the thing about our church is that it is okay to be wounded, especially in leadership. which is rather contrary to how i grew up. i felt you had to "get clean" and then go to church! i feel confident that if either david or i had some sort of breakdown that our group would be a-okay and not judge us. not that it is acceptable to be intentionally BAD but rather be real about what areas of your life you are weak in and get prayer and help. if someone has a porn addiction or are in a crappy marriage or an abusive relationship or you get high you tell your small group and we support, love, pray, and walk with them through that. we are going through a great apologetics book right now (which is a book discussing the different rationales behind our faith and teasing out issues that people commonly have for dismissing religion, etc.) and a quote jumped out at me that is right on
"The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."
being involved with Christ just means that you are trying not that you have arrived. (so get off religion's back if people mess up dudes.) none of us will ever Arrive, short of eternity. one interesting thing that we just talked about last week is the idea that in some ways, the church is always going to be more messy than those who aren't involved because if you have a standard like God to live up to, there is NO WAY you are going to realize that measure. i mean the distance between us and God is impossible to measure, but if someone does not have the same standard to base their life on, they inevitably have less to live up to. that sounds bad. let me say, christians need more forgiveness than others because the moral compass of our lives was a perfect being. and if we want to unite with that perfect being we need to release our humanity in all it's failings. so you know, just give up what makes you human and cling to what is divine and holy and love. SURE I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT. but i'm a christian (which is "little Christ") and so i'm going to keep going, keep asking for forgiveness, and release my iron grip on things that don't belong with God.
in conclusion, life is rad and hard and confusing but full of love and family, sometimes peace and sometimes chaos, more often than not good, goofy friends to clink glasses with and trade clothes, husbands to nuzzle with, and good books, hot cups of tea & warm muffins, crying fits, my clothes poofing nonstop with flour, and God - always God.