love and life

i had two amazing dreams last night. the first one i was giving birth at home, but the home was my grandparents house that i went to while growing up. i have felt especially near to my grandma lately - i feel her in my life so intensely sometimes. i miss her something terrible. this weekend i was taking augustine for a walk and someone walked by wearing my grandmas favorite perfum. i almost cried. so anyways i'm giving birth/in labor at their house and i could actually feel the contractions in my dream, which is a new and odd sensation. but i felt so calm and trusting of my midwives. one of whom delivered augustine but has since retired sadly. i wonder if this dream is my minds way of pushing me forward in my homebirth plans?

the second dream. i was at my high school friend susans house. (also a house that she no longer lives in) i was in the house surrounded by all of my friends who had children. some who dont presently have children though, had their future children with them! very odd to look into the face of a child who doesnt exist yet. i walked to the end of their drive way with augustine only to look up and see a large tornado coming straight towards us. running towards the house i realize we arent going to make it and we jump into a small shed and get down on the floor. the noises i heard were terrifying, loud, and very real. at one point i felt him starting to slip from my grasp slightly with the wind. instantly i knew i had a choice. let augustine go and increase my chances of survival alone or let myself be carried away with him and die. it sounds morbid but truly i felt so close to him at that moment. i remember looking at him in my arms and knowing if we were to die together at that moment, i would rather be with him more than anyone else (well david too naturally). right after i decided that, the wind instantly stopped and we crawled out to see the tornado had changed direction and we were safe.

see love does keep us alive.



ps many congratulations to my brother josh and his FIANCE brienne. i love you guys so much!