croup + christmas talk, sorta

after poking around online and through my "baby library books" david and i have come to the conclusion that augustine has croup. it's not a big deal though so we're not going to the doctor. in fact we've never ever been to the doctor (outside of a few "well baby" check ups which we have long since stopped doing), nor so much as called for advice! im not criticizing anyone who does regularly go to the pediatrician nor calls a thousand times a week for ideas or advice, but that's just not something that has ever come up as being necessary to do in our little family. the few times he's been sick we've handled it. bump on the head? no problem. etc. etc. im very much a "wait and see" type so im more than comfortable not jumping to conclusions if/when he has a temperature or cough or anything. this croup stinks though. two nights in a row now he's been barking like a little seal at all hours of the night (cough medicine doesnt work with croup) poor little guy. i think we'll have to steam up the bathroom for 15-20 minutes after bathtime/before bedtime starting tonight.

friday is davids company party - did i mention (AGAIN) that they're picking us up in a limo? an SUV limo? too bad we'll be in the limo a total of 30 seconds since the restaurant is about a half a mile from here. enter me complaining about my potato sack of a dress i have available while pregnant about here. im going to wear the same thing i wore to heather and brett's wedding. it was plenty dressy i think.

we finished christmas shopping last night. phew.

ever since my friend mentiond the song, moving pictures, silent films by great lake swimmers i cannot stop listening to it. its the saddest, most heartsick song ive heard in a long long time. reminds me of something elliot smith would sing about almost. LISTEN TO IT HERE


my mom said once that i would understand God more once i had a child, especially a son. and also that christmas and easter would take on a new meaning. i never knew what she meant by all that but now i do. see if you're a christian you have a point of view that God knew and did certain things for the good of Mankind. one of those being the birth of Jesus, His Son. so the first christmas (last year) that augustine was around i applied this God/mankind relationship to my own life and was all aww. God loves me. He let Jesus hang out on earth and all that. but when easter came around and i sat in that service and heard for the one billionth time the account of betrayal and horrific death that Jesus met i went nuts. (i might have even gotten up from the service for a moment) i guess what im saying is that once you see your own flesh, you cant imagine willfully giving it over to meet any harm. your love just won't let you do such a thing! but God knew what was going to happen and did it anyways for us silly, abhornent little snots. even if i had been the only person on the entire planet God still would have done it, thats what further blows my mind. who am i to deserve ANYTHING good, let alone being spared from the hell i deserve to go to? you can't earn that sort of thing, it can only be given over to you by someone who is in a positive to give it (God, duh.) now every easter and every christmas i bawl my eyes out thinking about how good God is (and consequently how baaad i am). i know i'd be a horrible God, so glad i wasnt given that job! i'd never give up my own kid, nor let anybody so much as pluck a hair from his little head for anybody. he's my little birdie and i am his mama covering him up with my failing wings. i can only do so much, the rest (read: most everything) is up to God to protect him from. i just can't believe that somebody would let their kid be tortured for someone, let alone some ungrateful, dispicable slime ball. but that's what's so amazing about grace.