Friday, March 23, 2007

tick tock

i don't believe in due dates. i mean they are good for a few things but bad for a few others. one drawback is that women get stuck focusing on this or that day and as it approaches something wells up within us and our mind races and we experience (even more) insanity about the impending arrivals of our no doubt perfect bundles of joy. another drawback is that if we go past said special date we get even MORE antsy and nutso and so do doctors. my imaginary and magical date is this tuesday/wednesday. for the most part i don't care when Olive makes her arrival. as if i have some say in this, id just love it if she were born on a weekend. david will get at most 2 consecutive days off from work and because of that of course im pretty bummed. i couldnt ask for a better kid in augustine. he's well behaved, loving, cooperative, helpful, and sweet for only being a near-two year old. i think he will rock as a big brother!

is it selfish of me to want her to come out on my time table? yes. do i still feel this way? yes. am i going to do anything about it? no. i feel that God has led us down a certain path and has been preparing us for all kinds of things, long before we even knew it. as "crunchy" as i am it was never part of my vision to ever have a homebirth. so when the seed was planted and then grew from an idea to a possibility and now to a passion, i must honor that path by continuing to trust God, my body, and the plan that has been purposely set in motion by the Lord. i cannot and will not throw in the towel in the 11th hour of this pregnancy and try to jerk the wheel of control out of God's hand (p.s. it's not really possible anyways) and into my own by attempting to do "something" to get labor started in an artificial way. God knows my heart and knows my fears. He made me, He made Olive too of course. I trust and know that His plan is the one that i will rely on to determine when and how this process happens. It's very easy to trust Someone when everything is easy going.

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!"

He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up, rebuked the winds and the waves and it was completely calm.
Matthew 8:23-26

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