epiphany

i recently had an epiphany. are you ready for it?

i am an adult

no really! you'd sure think that combining my age with various life milestones would tell me this but it hasnt until recently. at least it hasnt sunken in to the point that i have embodied all that adulthood has to offer i suppose. it hit me one day as i was eating my (par at best) chinese food. they had added an abhorrent amount of green pepper (sidebar: any amount of green pepper constitutes abhorrent) and so im choking down these little green nuggets of filth with my delicious sweet and sour chicken and BAM! i realized wait a minute. i dont have to eat these. why am i doing this to myself? and so began my trip down the rabbit hole of adulthood. and just like that (insert me snapping my fingers or something) i saw my life in a slightly new, but important way. CHOICE. of course intuitively i knew i had choice all along but i felt all kinds of stupid reasons for putting myself in situations and acting certain ways that i didn't want to. (like family pressure or to appease the masses, etc.) im not going to start ticking people off but hey,if i dont want to take your crap/eat my vegetables/wear jeans too short for me just because that is what is in my closet then i dont have to. and if i want to take a bath instead of a 60 second shower/nurse in public/eat ice cream for dinner then here i go!

oh i want to interject here that i have been trying to take 4 minute showers every day now. i've really been trying to give up my eco-sinning ways with my water wasting. i thought our "letting it mellow" policy regarding toilet flushing would make me feel justified. it didn't. so now it's sort of a fun game to see how fast we can take a shower (as per austin and maggie's suggestion) it's not 1/10th the pleasurable experience that a bath is but it makes me feel better that im doing it for the greater good. *grumble grumble*

moving on. our 5 year anniversary is coming up - june 29th. two years ago when auggie was a wee babe we didn't know what to do and this year with another wee babe it is the same. when augustine was a baby by the time our anniversary rolled around (he would have been 2 1/2 months old, as will olive) i was exclusively pumping and we were not cosleeping so, not that it didn't matter at all, but it mattered less than it does now because olive nurses exclusively and sleeps with us only. so, not that we really would anyways, but leaving her with my parents isn't really an option if we wanted to go somewhere overnight. they'd love it though, in fact my dad has asked me more than once when olive can come and stay the night. i think he forgets that babies get up in the middle of the night and are much more work than a toddler (in some ways, less work in others). so we've decided to go camping as a family. im stoked!

im eating my favorite ice cream in the world right now - at 4:01 pm, before dinner, and loving it. for some reason i feel ice cream is a night-only food. why? whenever i eat it something happens to my spoons on a chemical level i swear and it makes my hands smell like garlic. wth? aaand i made my best three bean chili to date so far. why yes! i would like another my fifth bowl today.

i think im going to adopt a new policy about nursing olive. the new policy henceforth (or at least when i can) is that when she's feeding i am going to read a book. i got two new books from the library today and i keep thinking to myself oh i never will have time to finish these! why bother? and then it dawned on me that i spend like 2 hours a day being a milkmaid. we go to the library about twice a week now. last week a little girl told auggie that he "talked funny" and it wigged me out/ticked me off. today while we were at the library i saw that same little girl and her shirt said "i was born at home with love by choice" (sidebar: these shirts are gifts for babes born with the homebirth midwives at CHOICE) let's just say i got over my anger - which is stupid of me to be mad at a little kid in the first place. mama's know what im talking about though. anyways her mom and i talked at length. everybody at the library rocks. i feel very much at home with the people i run into in such a setting. i understand now why maggie does what she does. also while there we went down an elevator and there was a man in there with us who had the longest toe nails (he was wearing sandels). i.was.so.grossed.out.