how to keep it mine

who is Olivia? they imply MY name is thus. and when did i give permission to this person (or the 4 other sites who have it up on their sites)to use my video? i realize youtube is open season for linking but at least mothering magazine asked and got my information right before using it on their website. oh and my new friend holly *waves* pointed me to a bit of snarky commenting on my tattoos/video via mothering.com. (i wrongfully gave into my curiosity and ego and looked up the thread after deciding in my heart not to) basically the topic of conversation (before the OP edited her post and removed the negative aspects of it) was that she felt it was uncool that my video was on a natural family living website (mothering) and that it was unnatural to have tattoos. i don't feel slighted all that much, in fact i get what she is saying. it was a little hard not to jump into the thread with my two cents on the matter. of course having tattoos isn't natural! im bothered by the community of AP/crunchy mamas out there when they do things like this. like we add up and assign point values to this or that, handing out demerits along the way. my life is my business and i really hope i can work to achieve a real whateverness about how i live. a woman cornered me at my brothers wedding reception this weekend and kept saying "jenny, you are some woman for birthing her naturally. AND AT HOME!" i corrected her and said that all mothers are some woman regardless of how their babies entered this world. i was struck at that moment so powerfully that the four of us talking had such different stories about our babes. one adopted, one had babies by csection, one with an epidural, and myself at home naturally. (though i also chimed in that i had aug in a hospital with an epidural) we all love our babies just the same and want what is best for them.

i cannot help but err on the side of natural childbirth as being the best for mother and child but again, whateverness. i need not inflate or deflate the situation. just make it what it is, MINE. i feel in a tiny bit of a way that my experience birthing olive has become inflated via the (very meager though more than most) celebrity of the video i made of it all. it boggles my mind that the ticker goes up thousands of times each week. (!at this moment it is up to 48,924!). and soon very soon i will be writing up the birth story for babyfit magazine and i am thrilled to do all of this truly. but i wonder, am i losing the intimacy of this? am i prostituting one of the most important single events of my life? these are the things i think about when i see the numbers roll upward and onward on the youtube video. while i adore getting the go girl! and ...inspired me comments from sooo many people, i just want to always be mindful to keep something back. something that is mine/ours. that is how the sacred remains what it is.