Saturday, October 06, 2007

interceding, in-check

i need to do a better job at interceding on my own emotional behalf. the other night i read something before i went to bed, knowing that it had potential to upset me, and yet i still read on and on and wound up not being able to fall asleep until around 2 am. further proof that the best way to end the day is peace filled prayer time. i sleep like a lamb when i just fall back into the comfort of talking about my day with God. not that He is some vehicle or device to me, far from it, but it's a great stress relief to just let go (or at least begin to let go) of a lot of things in prayer. it is so far from my understanding how anyone gets through life without praying. to me, the only thing that really matters is God, everything else is just a temporary treading of water. remind me of this if i get too preoccupied with the future or past okay dear friends? i'm too old to get all crazy and emotional about what is going on outside of my real world. too many people seek out negativity and it makes them angry, negative people. i'm not saying at all to deny the worst of things in this world, but too often i think people lose sight of what matters and what doesn't. my life is my community to work within, the larger i extend that circle and get emotionally invested the more stress it causes me. does that make sense? what i mean is this - i cannot attempt to carry the burdens of the world on my shoulders or take on some grand cause every day and live or die by my success or failed attempts.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
-- Helen Keller

speaking of, i am very pleased to testify that since receiving prayer about my agoraphobia i havn't had a single panic attack. in fact i've felt the freedom to take the kids somewhere (almost) every single day since then and not just screech and twitch through the time out of the house. the invasive/irrational thoughts are at an all-time low and when they come on, for the first time in 8 years i can push them away with and logic that has somehow escaped me before this.

david said he might be able to score free tickets to see Feist on november 18th. please! i beg! i havnt been to a show in yearrrs. you know because im an old fart with kids. the truth is that it has been both the family situation coupled with my agoraphobia keeping me from going out. oh and money - stinks to be living in poverty. but now since at least the agoraphobia seems to be in a season of waining i want to take full advantage of it.

2 comments:

Missparker said...

I am about to begin week three of a new job, and while the job is great, it is dealing a harsh blow to my blog reading. As a result, I only get about one night a week to catch up with everyone!

I really admire your willingness to make such a big change. I think it shows a lot of wisdom (planning ahead, past current situation and feelings) and strength (moving past feelings and doing what you feel is important). I have friends who just moved in with parents/in-laws and while it obviously wasn't ideal, it has been okay for them. It has been a huge help financially and has provided help with a new baby + company for a stay-at-home mom. I will pray that peace comes into this situation.

I think the Feist show will be amazing. I am currently torn between Feist and Tegan and Sara. Tough call. Maybe I'll see you there, though?

Longest comment. Sorry. One last thing. On my second day at my new job (post Starbucks, I am finally designing!) the other lady in our marketing department and I went to various printers to see about trade show booths. We walked into Solar Printing in Westerville and your husband greeted us. I didn't say anything, because I didn't want it to be weird, but apparently we run in the same circles. Small world!

jenny mae. said...

my husband apologizes!!! he said when he's in work mode he is all business and didn't put 2 + 2 together about who you were. SORRY!

if you see us at the feist show please say hi!