interceding, in-check

i need to do a better job at interceding on my own emotional behalf. the other night i read something before i went to bed, knowing that it had potential to upset me, and yet i still read on and on and wound up not being able to fall asleep until around 2 am. further proof that the best way to end the day is peace filled prayer time. i sleep like a lamb when i just fall back into the comfort of talking about my day with God. not that He is some vehicle or device to me, far from it, but it's a great stress relief to just let go (or at least begin to let go) of a lot of things in prayer. it is so far from my understanding how anyone gets through life without praying. to me, the only thing that really matters is God, everything else is just a temporary treading of water. remind me of this if i get too preoccupied with the future or past okay dear friends? i'm too old to get all crazy and emotional about what is going on outside of my real world. too many people seek out negativity and it makes them angry, negative people. i'm not saying at all to deny the worst of things in this world, but too often i think people lose sight of what matters and what doesn't. my life is my community to work within, the larger i extend that circle and get emotionally invested the more stress it causes me. does that make sense? what i mean is this - i cannot attempt to carry the burdens of the world on my shoulders or take on some grand cause every day and live or die by my success or failed attempts.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
-- Helen Keller

speaking of, i am very pleased to testify that since receiving prayer about my agoraphobia i havn't had a single panic attack. in fact i've felt the freedom to take the kids somewhere (almost) every single day since then and not just screech and twitch through the time out of the house. the invasive/irrational thoughts are at an all-time low and when they come on, for the first time in 8 years i can push them away with and logic that has somehow escaped me before this.

david said he might be able to score free tickets to see Feist on november 18th. please! i beg! i havnt been to a show in yearrrs. you know because im an old fart with kids. the truth is that it has been both the family situation coupled with my agoraphobia keeping me from going out. oh and money - stinks to be living in poverty. but now since at least the agoraphobia seems to be in a season of waining i want to take full advantage of it.