Wednesday, December 19, 2007
baking. because it's cheaper than therapy.
don't even know where to begin so when i feel this way i just bake and bake and listen to inspiring music and get lost in a novel for hours into the night (or morning). i have a specific mix for just this sort of indescribable mood full of various songs that just fill me with yes, THAT! moments. i dont know what's going on with me but for the first time in my life i feel sort of depressed. nothing major but im just feeling pessimistic in a way that i've never felt was ongoing. im a joyful person, but i feel like im going through some trials and uncertainty. i think it's just been the last few days where ive been digging inside about what my life is about and what it isnt, asking hard questions, and of course just stressful everyday life stuff. all i want to do is lie on the couch and put my head down in dominick birdsey's lap and fade out for a day or two. (good thing it's such a large book then!) the same things motivate me but, without being too emo here i've just been struck by a few life experiences lately that makes me question a few things. i'm trying so hard. so so hard. i need some friend-therapy and i got a good dose of it this weekend. one can never have enough quality friendships. the world isnt falling apart and my foundation isnt shaking, im just feeling demoralized.