this entry is disjointed

some people make me want to spill my guts. conversely now that i think of it, some people make me want to inhale my guts, hoard them in a pile inside myself to hide my deepest parts. stuff the not-as-acceptable parts away and put on the happy face i detest. friendships are funny like that. 99% of the time putting on an honest face will win you favor in my eyes, there is nothing i respect more than a person just being Real, warts and all as my dear grandma used to say.

today i reflected on the longevity of certain people in my life. i have two people in my life that i have known and come to dearly love since i was a wee kid. did i, at the time of getting on such and such numbered bus in elementary school imagine that such and such friend and i would be friends some 20 years later? of course not, children don't process that way. but now in my adulthood i can count on one a happy, healthy, blessed hand the number of friendships that i imagine going the distance with. in high school i had 3 girl best friends, we were "the fearsome foursome". we have since grown apart like the pieces of Mesopotamia, a slow continental drift that is just part of what happens when a proximity friendship is denied the proximity. one friend that i never thought would leave though, for reasons unknown to me, did only to resurface a few days ago with a monosyllabic "hi" on one of those social networking websites. i have so much to say but who knows if he is even interested in talking, since the reasons for his disappearance all those years ago were unknown to me. heck for all i know i greatly offended him somehow! (this is me jumping to conclusions, but really, what other choice do i have when your best friend just does a 180 and peaces you out for 5 years?) time reveals all things.

speaking of adolescence (sort of) i found out that go ask alice is fake. that book takes me back to middle school!

i spent part of this morning seething over a blog post, which i will not give the poster the satisfaction of linking, wherein they put out some very hateful, ignorant words about birthing at home. instead i will link you to a really great blog post called "fear, judgment, and focus" which talks a lot about women supporting one another (and why they often don't) regarding birth choices.

there is a squirrel about 1 foot away from my window right now climbing the lilac bush outside. i dont think ive ever been this close to a squirrel. he's hanging upside down.

things to do today:
: garden - plant second blueberry bush & strawberries, combat/attempt to control slugs with eggshells & beer trap, weed, possibly invest in some liquid seaweed
: get cloth diapers
: mail them to my sister in law maria
: get over to wholly craft! and buy gift for friend's baby shower this weekend.
: do not eat more brownies