Friday, July 11, 2008

trials & Words

my friend chris had a very strong Word for david and i last week. for those not familiar with what a "Word" is basically, at least in this context, i am meaning that the person received a sentence or single word it could even be a mental picture that they feel God is telling them to tell or describe to a specific person or persons. in this case the Word was "...that the trials you guys are experiencing in life right now are bringing about a permanent sort of change that will benefit your marriage and parenthood forever."

and this is where i burst into tears

i have hesitated to speak about these trials for fear that somehow these trials would somehow be translated to you the reader, including our families and close friends who would no doubt want to speak with us which would lead to too many redundantly reassuring conversations, that the trials were in our marriage. it is difficult to explain (and chris hit this on the head very well in our back and forth emails about his Word so i will just a copy/paste here) that "sometimes life just caves in on us and we happen to be married at the time that the cave-in happens. You know? Life is hard sometimes and being married can bring a tension into our marriages that isn't ABOUT a marriage, its about the life-season. The tension is SHARED because we are married. This is where the opportunity for God to grow us and establish us comes in."

the trials are rooted in both of us being knee deep in the busiest life patch we've had in a long time, if not forever, especially him who is working as much as he can at Roll, going to school full time, planning awesomefest, being a full time parent and husband, and squeezing it upwards of 120 miles per week on his bicycle. at the same time i am working part time from home doing medical transcription, full time as a stay at home mom, maintaining a large garden, trying to get a garden club/justice garden initiative going, and then i thought it would be a good idea to join the church baking team. somewhere in there we have stretched ourselves to a nearly transparent level of thinness when it comes to quality time, instead we find ourselves trading off children or household duties or quiet time so one or the other can study/write/research/garden/cook/sleep. somehow i have added several feet of height with all the hats i'm wearing right now & i know david feels the same way.

the second part of the trial (not pretending there are only two though, just two main ones) is the inescapable intensity of raising two small children. it is just loud and chaotic and we are always going going going, and struggling with them at nap time, playing referee to their quarrels (and there are many!) and waking up too early, and yes certainly feeling blessed, delighted, and grateful for their presence but yes. stretched. they are the song of my heart, the apples of my eye but dang it we've had one date in over a year without them! (excluding funerals, memorials, and weddings) this is our own doing in many ways, we are homebodies. still, i like to complain about it though.

14 comments:

Karl, Ashley, Ethan and Evelyn Malefyt said...

I won't start any of those "reassuring conversations" that you mentioned, but I will say that I sympathize as my husband and I are pretty much going through the same season. You're right, even good marriages can have seasons of trial that don't have anything to do with a weak/unhealthy/problematic relationship.

Blue Fairy Gal said...

I know you don't know me. I read your blog from lj because I find you quite inspiring, beautiful and I learn so much.

I wanted to thank you so much for sharing this. It gave me an 'ah-ha'. While my situation is not parallel to yours and my husband is not a christian at this time (still praying, though). The 'word' you received opens my eyes. Many times it isn't that our relationship is so awful it is that life is busy and their isn't time. It helps to remember that.

Thank you. Please do not stop being honest and authentic!

meridith said...

jenny, we would be happy to watch the kids sometime so you guys can have a night out. we should plan a time.

Amber said...

I can't tell you how much this post has blessed me. So much of our situation is similar and I feel like a failure as a mother/wife because things are going as I think they should be, you know...perfect. I feel like I must have done something wrong and "screwed it all up" because there is no way that something good could come out of such a current mess. Thank you for sharing and lettings God's words in your life ring true, and encourage me...I really needed it!!

Amber said...

that was supposed to say "things AREN'T going as I think they should"

Sarah said...

((hugs)) Jenny and David. You are doing so much right now, it's so natural to feel how you are feeling!

We have been going through a rough patch too, and while we are on the tail end of it, and it has made us stronger together, it hasn't been easy.

kasandora said...

wow, I can kind of empathize... My husband works 12 hours a day and commutes 2 (so he gets home at around 11 or 12 every night), I work part time as a teacher, and I have a 4 month old...I don't think my life is quite as difficult and busy as yours, however...Sometimes I get that pressure feeling in my head, like I might explode, and then I crumple up on the floor and cry for a while...hehehe...

My coping mechanism for this kind of time in my life is to let the feelings flow through me, like I am a vessel with two openings....I get angry, sad, frustrated, and then I just let it go... I am not sure how much longer that is going to work though!

Anonymous said...

You are lucky woman to have your husband and 2 children. Your trials could be very worse. You are very blessed in many ways, just remember that.

jenny mae. said...

meredith you rock! if only you had a husband who kinda liked my kids that would be perfect! ;)

The Aspenberg Family said...

Hi Jenny, I know you don't know me, but I'm Stacey from NJ and I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago through a friend and I am so thanful for your blogs on motherhood, relationships, and just life in general! As a fellow stay at home mom, Its so nice to see other people going through the same things! I always say Life gets in the way, My husband and I have 2 small children also, 3 1/2 and 1 and the 1 year old still nurses quite a bit and its hard to get away , but I so know what you are going thorugh!! I admire you with all your gardening and stuff! Please dont stop blogging I enjoy it! Praying for you and your situation!! God Bless!!
STAcey

Ps it feels so good to vent on the blog page doesnt it? I do it on mine!!

The Aspenberg Family said...

Oh yeah love your recipes and tha you drink tea pipping hot too!!!

jenny mae. said...

stacy thanks for the encouragement. yes it seems we are in the same boat! augustine turned 3 and olive turned 1 in april so it looks like our kids are basically the same age.

meridith said...

hahahaha.....if only..... :)
seriously, i already cleared it with nathan and he's all for it (of course!). so let's just figure out when it can work out.

alia said...

Wow--aren't you kind of glad you wrote that one? Not only did you get to hear that others struggle with the same thing (yeah, me too), but you made all those others feel a bit better (thank you, BTW) for sharing what your current struggle is.

And I'd baby sit if I could. :)