my friend chris had a very strong Word for david and i last week. for those not familiar with what a "Word" is basically, at least in this context, i am meaning that the person received a sentence or single word it could even be a mental picture that they feel God is telling them to tell or describe to a specific person or persons. in this case the Word was "...that the trials you guys are experiencing in life right now are bringing about a permanent sort of change that will benefit your marriage and parenthood forever."
and this is where i burst into tears
i have hesitated to speak about these trials for fear that somehow these trials would somehow be translated to you the reader, including our families and close friends who would no doubt want to speak with us which would lead to too many redundantly reassuring conversations, that the trials were in our marriage. it is difficult to explain (and chris hit this on the head very well in our back and forth emails about his Word so i will just a copy/paste here) that "sometimes life just caves in on us and we happen to be married at the time that the cave-in happens. You know? Life is hard sometimes and being married can bring a tension into our marriages that isn't ABOUT a marriage, its about the life-season. The tension is SHARED because we are married. This is where the opportunity for God to grow us and establish us comes in."
the trials are rooted in both of us being knee deep in the busiest life patch we've had in a long time, if not forever, especially him who is working as much as he can at Roll, going to school full time, planning awesomefest, being a full time parent and husband, and squeezing it upwards of 120 miles per week on his bicycle. at the same time i am working part time from home doing medical transcription, full time as a stay at home mom, maintaining a large garden, trying to get a garden club/justice garden initiative going, and then i thought it would be a good idea to join the church baking team. somewhere in there we have stretched ourselves to a nearly transparent level of thinness when it comes to quality time, instead we find ourselves trading off children or household duties or quiet time so one or the other can study/write/research/garden/cook/sleep. somehow i have added several feet of height with all the hats i'm wearing right now & i know david feels the same way.
the second part of the trial (not pretending there are only two though, just two main ones) is the inescapable intensity of raising two small children. it is just loud and chaotic and we are always going going going, and struggling with them at nap time, playing referee to their quarrels (and there are many!) and waking up too early, and yes certainly feeling blessed, delighted, and grateful for their presence but yes. stretched. they are the song of my heart, the apples of my eye but dang it we've had one date in over a year without them! (excluding funerals, memorials, and weddings) this is our own doing in many ways, we are homebodies. still, i like to complain about it though.