Tuesday, October 21, 2008

forbidden fruit

david loves me. this i know. for his actions tells me so. oh sorry i slipped into a little "jesus loves me" there. anyways yeah my husband likes, nay, loves me. but that doesnt mean i am not "forbidden" to do certain things. of course i don't mean like FORBIDDEN as if i am someone with his foot on my neck or something. he just strongly opposes all of these things. if i really wanted to put my Big Girl Defiant Pants on i could do anything i wanted. but i wont because that's not how marriage works. here is a short (at least i hope it is short. let's just see how many i can come up with before amending this post...) list of things i am forbidden to do:

-- listen to grateful dead, any kind of techno (even the ambient kind!) in his presence
-- light incense
-- paint my toenails around him or
-- remove paint from my toenails
-- spray perfume while we are both smooshed in our tiny bathroom
-- pick up hitch hikers
-- scrape my knife (intentionally or otherwise) on my plate
-- to own any of the sims games*
-- nothing tye dye shall ever enter our home. well except this but it was "because he was so darn cute"


goodness my life sounds like a real hellhole huh? i mean all this love and support, fatherly involvement, help around the house, hardwork. no it's all a charade of a controlling man who doesn't like strong smells, strange men in the car with his wife and children, and hippy-hater. pray for me dear friends that i can get out of this terrible, terrible relationship someday. somehow!

in his defense he went to go see the hours with me once, and he wasnt even kicking and screaming about it. i boo hoo'd into my popcorn the whole time. this was repayed years later when i was dragged to borat, except i was kicking and screaming. in hindsight, come on! justified!

what are you "forbidden" to do?




*early in our marriage he had to have a sims intervention. like literally he would come home and i would be like "oh, why are you back so early?" only to realize i had sat and played sims for oh, 7 hours.

17 comments:

Queen Bee said...

no sauerkraut can enter our home, ever. *sigh* even if i've been to my mom's and she cooked it there, he can detect the scent on my clothes and demands that i change or he will yak from it. he flipped when i told him that Waynesville has a whole festival dedicated to it.

saraH said...

no "tube tops", hitch hikers, and no opening his mail! he finds great joy opening his own mail.... wow, we've got it rough!

MamaFeelgood said...

*no watching tv in the bed before I fall asleep if he is already in the bed

and I have racked my brain for more but I can't think of any. My guy is Super laid back. I'm going to have to go home and ask him now. This should be fun. I'll get back to you.

MamaFeelgood said...

oh wait...just thought of another one.

*no asking for a bite of his peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

Sharon H. Bell said...

Tawd hates farting. Well, not ALL farting, just mine apparently. And he wishes I would dress sluttier. Well, HE wouldn't say that, but that's what I hear when he comments negatively on everything comfortable I own.

rachaeldear said...

hahaahahahha... the above comment is amazing.

Radiantsun said...

I cannot listen to alien ant farm or life of agony (bands I used to listed to a lot before but "gave up" in the name of having a happy home)

ummmm....I can't force him to watch girlie movies.

I couldn't bring home animals at the animal shelter where I used to work

I'm so sorry you can't listen to grateful dead. That's Mark's favorite band and I was never into them but now their music makes me happy.

jenny mae. said...

queen - i am going to have to go with him on this one. thankfully neither of us are kraut folk! but he is not allowed to eat mustard or pickles and try to smooch on me. noooo.


sarah - tube tops? come on, men love that stuff! seems like you and sharon are on opposite sides of the attire spectrum.


sharon - i am kind of with tawd on this one. david farts and every time i try to send him a not-so-warm look of Oh No You Didn't! and he never notices. maybe im just tired of all the diapers and burps and bum washing i have to do with the kids or something but by the end of the day im like KEEP YOUR BODILY FUNCTIONS TO YOURSELF! :)

radiantsun - i once found a cat behind a dumpster and brought it home. oh i loved that cat so much. david was WAY less than amused.

Radiantsun said...

Yeah and working at the shelter meant I got the cats that were all left in the trash bags on the side of the road or the dogs tied to trees. They were all my little buddies and I would come home and tell Mark their stories and every time I would get "the look". Which translated into "don't even think about it." There was a boston terrier that came REAL close to coming home with me but I figured I like Mark just a tad more so I kept him instead. hahaha

jenny mae. said...

ive been waiting for my brother josh to comment here. he is a delivery driver who has on his route a vet's office. yeah he brought home 3 cats at once a few weeks ago! our dad has been known to pick up his deer, rabid racoons, etc. and tote them off to the vet. i believe more than once he has said "dr. hatfield PLEASE stop bringing them here!" but in a nice way.it's in our blood!!

Radiantsun said...

I love that people care for animals like that. They really need our help sometimes. YEY for your dad and brother! They are great men in my book!

Katherine said...

Absolutely no Pink Floyd on long road trips! No Gilmore Girls or chick flicks while he's at home. No nail polish remover without an open window nearby. No meals combining meat and fruit of any kind (including ham and pineapple--I have no idea what his problem is!) No lag-time in between taking the dirty diaper off and putting it in the pail. And the most important: no leaving reciepts anywhere but on the office desk so he can keep track our our finances with ease. Man--he's really got me under his thumb! :-) HORRAY FOR GREAT HUSBANDS!!!

jenny mae. said...

yes pink floyd is a no-no at our house too. which, if you knew my family would be thinkable! my brother remembers taking naps to pink floyd. :)

speaking of off combos of food, one of my favorite snacks is salty peas with cottage cheese. david is totally grossed out by this.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jenner- bub here. Yeah, when I initially saw the three kittens, they were in a bird cage and had less than a week before they were headed for the pound (or wherever they send poor little buddies). Brienne said she'd take one. We went for the "interview" and they basically put us in a room with all three- basically play and pick one. (I swear the lady said the word "suckers" as she left the room. Half hour later we have triplet kittens. And it was her idea. We still laugh because its so out of character for Brienne.

Radiantsun said...

It's pretty hard to turn down a birdcage full o'kitties!

saraH said...

aww kitties! i'm not allowed to bring anything home either. but i can rescue it in the sense of taking things to the vet or our local no kill shelter.

i could of course wear tube tops at home....but we've been married almost 6 years. whats the point!? LOL. why buy a shirt your husband wouldn't like you to wear in the outside world.

Anonymous said...

Hello,

I keep coming to this website[url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips].[/url]Lots of good information here softletters.blogspot.com. I am sure due to busy scedules we really do not get time to care about our health. Here is a fact for you. Research indicates that almost 50% of all United States adults are either chubby or weighty[url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips].[/url] Therefore if you're one of these individuals, you're not alone. In fact, most of us need to lose a few pounds once in a while to get sexy and perfect six pack abs. Now the question is how you are planning to have quick weight loss? You can easily lose with with little effort. You need to improve some of you daily habbits to achive weight loss in short span of time.

About me: I am writer of [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/lose-10-pounds-in-2-weeks-quick-weight-loss-tips]Quick weight loss tips[/url]. I am also mentor who can help you lose weight quickly. If you do not want to go under painful training program than you may also try [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/acai-berry-for-quick-weight-loss]Acai Berry[/url] or [url=http://www.weightrapidloss.com/colon-cleanse-for-weight-loss]Colon Cleansing[/url] for fast weight loss.