St. Patrick's Prayer

i know so much of my thoughts are about my kids but they are kind of my job, know what im saying? i never really knew what i'd be like as a mom. i mean i didnt think i would be a bad one but i could never look at a person (good or bad) and say "oh that is how i will be". i really like my kids. they are GOOD kids and as hard, if not impossible, for a person to be objective about their own children i sincerely do believe they are well mannered, pleasant, loving, curious beings.

i took the children to COSI again today. and they were angelic. we pack our lunches when we go and not once did aug look down at his "healthy" lunch and moan about the fact that the children near us were eating macaroni and cheese with "the smiley french fries" and drinking some sort of pop. i think my kids generally enjoy the food we feed them rather than simply tolerating it. olive maintains that her favorite food is broccoli. *shrug* there was a child in the lunch room flipping the heck out and rather than be annoyed or draw attention to it augustine wanted to know what i thought was wrong with that little boy. he's very empathetic and i really like that. olive had fallen in the snow on her way to the car and she was crying her eyes out because her hands were cold. all the way to COSI augustine tried to think of ways to cheer her up (he sang her favorite song twice). i just love the budding empathy in him.

anyways im just proud to parent two kids that are hilarious, friendly, talkative, trusting, and curious.

while we were there i started to have a panic attack. i just started getting so so wound up. i kept having to tell myself to look around, nothing was happening! it was one of those moments where you've got to simply will yourself not to act upon the irrational impulse to run to the car in defeat. i hate that feeling of mind over matter because really it's about 50/50 at the end of the day. thank you sweet jesus for inventing ativan. just as i was getting all wound up and couldnt calm down i call out augustine's name for some reason or another and a mom nudges me and wanted to talk about what a beautiful name he had. turns out she named her son Theophilus which is one of the main objects of the writer of the book of luke in the bible. it was such a relief to be sitting next to a christian. yes one cannot deduce a thing about a person based on this fact alone but i felt comforted. on sunday my pastor was talking about the prayer of st. patrick and i really have been feeling it lately. i find myself relying on it when i feel anxious about leaving the house

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, and in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

-- prayer of st. patrick

like i really feel that christ went before me and sent that woman to that exact place to send me a moment of comfort. i believe such things happen!