Monday, March 23, 2009

what you require

there are people and groups of people that i struggle to love. that might even be putting it delicately - if i were honest with myself, saw myself in a raw and unedited light i would even have to admit that i hate certain people and groups of people. at church yesterday i was inspired to take a hard look at myself and how ungracious i can be. i rejoice when justice and grace are shown but really, i can get downright annoyed when i feel the object of that justice and grace is unworthy in some way whether by an unrepentant attitude or ungrateful spirit or me just having the complex that my messed up nature is better than yours (i.e. rapists, child molesters, terrorists, and so on) i can talk a big game about loving people but would i, as the bible commands, welcome EVERYONE at my table? i wouldn't. and i really had to confess that to God and repent. so yesterday i made a mental list of some specific people or groups of people that falls somewhere under the umbrella of "i probably don't like you very much" (or worse) and have made it a daily discipline to pray several times a day

01. for my view of this person or group of persons as through the eyes of the Lord
02. for a transformation of my heart
03. for further illumination of areas in which i am ungracious for this person/group of persons
04. for opportunities to meet with this person or someone in this group and show them love


this is much easier said than done. there are people in my life and in my past that i can barely sit in a room with. i do not want to love this person/these persons. but i've come to realize that i only love God as much as i love the person i love the least. i am to be an instrument of peace, of mercy, of community, of justice and guess what? hating people, even in a passive way, destroys that. there is no place for hate in a peacelover and there is no room for such darkness in someone who wishes to dwell in the light of the Lord. looking in a spiritual mirror is uncomfortable but time and experience has told me that the pain of dealing with myself, dying to myself to follow the Kingdom is exponentially rewarding.
so now im adding these 4 objects of prayer, along with people's names and/or groups of people i struggle to love/downright hate to my google calendar with email reminders sent every day. it is very hard to write down certain people's names, as i am so resistant to change my heart towards them! i realize how unloving i have been in my heart. my teeth grind when i think of asking God to help me love ___. but every monday im going to pray for this person, and tuesday the next and next until i know one day the yolk of anger and hate will be lifted. where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

7 comments:

Beth said...

<3!

nathansmart said...

So, come on. Let's hear it. Who do you hate?

TwoDollarsAndFifteenCents said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jenny mae. said...

re: nathan - we are good buddies in real life. im sure he's just horsing around :)

im glad you liked this post

Cherie said...

Beautifully put! I'm going to print your post and keep it at my desk as a reminder of what I should be doing.

Mandy said...

this really spoke to me in a big way. any chance I can post it as a note on my facebook page with credit to you of course? i'd love to share it with others!

jenny mae. said...

sure :)