the first garden club meeting of the season was tonight. i got a friend to speak about square foot gardening and we hosted it at a new-to-our-church family's home who had a boatload of square foot boxes that everyone could look at. conversation was lively and we exchanged plants and whatnot. i took home pockets full of onion starters to store and plant next year and some leeks. everything else we already had or i wasnt interested in (cauliflower - blech!)
after the meeting i drove past a plot of land that has for the past half year been pulling at my heart and dreams. it's a sliver of land too small for a house that was up for sale for i believe $5k. my friend jared and i have talked about both buying it together, donating it to the church and letting it be a church community garden or something. oh my heart soars at the prospect of living and working together to cultivate like that. every so often i drive past the land and just sort of nod at it and take a piece of my dream and drop it on the earth more and more and then keep on driving. today i drove by and it had obviously been sold. and the people were using it for a garden. and instead of being happy i felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and i nearly burst into tears. like someone had stolen my silent dream from me, something ive been praying about for so long with such intensity. i haven't stopped reeling about it since. i an intensely jealous and feeling letdown. yes i open my life to an evolving dream of happiness, sustenance, and provision - i must - but i am also very human and so i feel as if i am a deflated balloon, flaccid in the corner amongst the dust bunnies. God give me a new vision. Sustain in me what is worthy of your kingdom. Grow in me that which i am afraid to cultivate.