mercy on me

"About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." -Matthew 18: 1-4


"One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left." -Matthew 19:13-15


let me tell you about what i have learned from my son augustine. i have learned that forgiveness, even pre-forgiveness is possible. that no record of wrong or hurt or anger is kept in the heart of a child for very long. i've learned that if i could love my human family as much as a child like him my world would be a much different place. here is an example - my son's best friend's name is jakin who is 3. jakin and augustine see each other about two or three times a week and at least on our end i know that he talks with great eagerness and anticipation when we are going to be together, whether at our place or theirs, church or the park or wherever. but do you know what happens every time they are together? hitting, followed by hugging and laughing, crying, wrestling, stick bashing, then dancing together. how does this happen this blending of aggression and love? forgiveness. jakin and augustine know intuitively what i seem to forget - that the people we love the most will hurt us sometimes but that cannot prevent us from ending that relationship, turning away from them, or even withdrawing. they have ready in the wings, the capacity to forgive and instantly move on and wipe the slate clean. this is what i want to learn from my child and this is how i see God. my heart holds onto the pain, the transgression and i hold both myself and the do-er captive in that hurtful embrace. i'm like a raccoon grasping at the irresistible shiny object causing me pain. the kingdom of God looks like a child who knows no limitations on love or forgiveness or friendship.

God have mercy on me, a sinner