afternoon of such tears

yesterday was so gorgeous outside. the kids spent most of the day frolicking in the sun at the park or in the backyard. it was the first time we'd taken dolores to the park (she of course loved it but was admittedly a bit overwhelmed with soo many kids and new smells and OMG SQUIRRELS!). we went to the library and i got a new book to get obsessed with (the uglies as per maggie_maybe's suggestion). the kids went down for a nap, the puppy went to her crate to snooze, and i was left leisurely nomming on my salad on my sun drenched front porch. TOUGHEST LIFE GUYS! i sat back and enjoyed half of a chocolate-almond bar and not 5 minutes later i started experiencing a softball size blindspot in my vision - classic sign of a rapidly approaching migraine. within 10 minutes the aura had taken most of my sight, or at least made it so patchy that it was impossible to see much of anything. i also experience about a 5 minute adrenaline rush. that always freaks me out because it's so intense but it's just part of the process. i whined about this migraine on facebook and twitter and two friends (thatpatti and veganryanxxx) offered to come over and babysit augustine and olive while i puked and writhed in a dark room. thankfully this has been the first time in my life that i've had a real responsibility that HAD to be taken care of (i.e. children & dog) and i couldn't just lie around in pain. on the other hand i saw no way to deal with the pain and the responsibilities at the same time. david had called earlier in the day saying that he was going to work late (of all the nights!!) but i left a message at his work during his lunchbreak, telling the receptionist to fill him in on the situation. i lined up babysitting with ryan while popping 1000 mg on Ibuprofen and 2 benedryl to knock me out. just as i was drifting into the pain and nausea david calls telling me he was on his way home and to tell ryan thank you but he wasn't needed.

it is scary having children and being incapacitated. the pull for self preservation was so strong but so was the need to parent. in the end i just laid in bed until david got home, asking the kids to play in their rooms or read book, telling them that i wasn't able to get them anything but that david would be home soon.

guys, augustine reduced me to streaming tears. i told him i was sick, had a very bad headache, and that i might throw up but that i would be okay soon. he went downstairs got me a glass of water, pulled the covers off of me and gave me a back scratch (our comfort "thing"). i told him i needed some medicine (more benedryl to make me sleep) and he got on a stool, stood on the sink, and got the tabs off of the top shelf in the medicine cabinet. HE IS ONLY 4. he just stood next to my bed telling me how much he loved me, then he put his hand on my arm (meanwhile i am under the covers trying to block out all light.) and he says

Dear Jesus, please heal mommy's headache. In your name, Amen

tears and tears and tears