i need strength for today
and hope for tomorrow
i stand in my pain and choose to trust you
this song was written for our friend joe who died just a few weeks ago from cancer. when i hear this song in my head i think of him and his wife jess who would often sit in front of us in church. their arms were always lifted up with tears streaming down their face during worship when michael would sing this. and not that this is some comparative situation my issue with their situation but if joe and jess can face terminal cancer and raise their hands, i can do this too. i can face the pain and submit to the feeling and lay it down. now i might have to KEEP laying it down over and over again. i definitely will have to keep facing it and submitting to it. so the whole time i was driving and the whole time i was in the library the lyrics were like a ticker tape in my head. i stand in my pain and choose to trust you. and i felt waves of calm crash over me. i will not say that this is getting significantly easier but at least the motives behind my terror are more clearly defined. i've removed my shackles of shame and put a name to the trauma so for that i am thankful. hard work is hard.
Those who plant in tears
will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed,
but they sing as they return with the harvest.
-- Psalm 126: 5-6
here's to a good harvest someday!