shemira

monday i went to sit with little henry for about an hour. it is intense where your mind goes alone in a room with the most impossibly small casket, while sitting two feet in front of it on a chair, with nothing but a bible, and silence to echo around the room. i first sat there and just stared at his minute resting place, breathing and trying to meditate on the moment. then i pulled out some of my favorite hymns and sang a little (it is well with my soul, impossible to get through). i prayed a lot of blessings, read a lot of the book of Job, and wept more. a lot of the space was filled with just total silence and breathing. it took quite a while for my heart and mind to slow down and just Be There with him. i could never grasp the despair and gravity of the situation and i wrestled openly with God about that. i was angry more than once, especially in the midst of categorizing some of the horrid things Job went through. there was no epiphany of seeing God's divinity or perfect plan but so much came out of that hour alone in that room. henry will not have spent one moment alone on this earth or the next. it was a beautiful tradition that i strongly encourage you to participate in if you are even given the chance. you won't walk out the same person you came in as.