wean yourself
little by little, wean yourself.
this is the gist of what i have to say.
from an embryo, whose nourishment comes in the blood,
move to an infant drinking milk,
to a child on solid food,
to a searcher of wisdom,
to a hunter of more invisable game.
think how it is to have a conversation with an embryo.
you might say, "the world outside is vast and intricate.
there are wheatfields and mountain passes,
and orchards in bloom.
at night there are millions of galaxies, and in sunlight
the beauty of friends dancing at a wedding."
you ask the embryo why he, or she, stays cooped up
in the dark with eyes closed.
listen to the answer.
there is no "other world."
i only know what i've experienced.
you must be hallucinating.
olive and i have been having conversations on and off. for some reason we really get going in the bathtub. nothing audible, sort of like praying but less one sided.
mama says it's time to go head down now.
what do you mean french fries isn't the best choice for a snack?
what are you like?
do you have a lot of hair like mama did when she was born?
stop being transverse.
i havnt really cemented in my head where i want to birth her at, the possibilities are endless as we'll just set up various "stations" around the house i'm sure. im so naturally attracted to water, especially while in any kind of discomfort physically (or emotionally) that the aquadoula tub will come in handy. let it flow is my motto. i'd love a water birth but am putting no expectation upon it. there will be no disappointment as long as she is born at home (she will be). everything is ready for her now. we had so little to prepare. we arent putting up the crib, lest augustine get too attached to it. im sure after she is a few months old we'll put it up. clothes are washed and put away. one drawer is specific for tiny tiny baby clothes. augustine wore preemie clothes for 2 weeks i believe, 3 weeks until he fit into his cloth diapers. i anticipate a peanut baby this time too. it's comical to hold up such itty bitty clothes and picture my Womb-Fruit in it.
i have been reciting a phrase that i feel God gave me today. every birth demands it's own kind of courage. it's so so true. people tell me all the time how brave (or crazy?) i am/we are for doing a homebirth. i think women who birth in hospitals are brave in comparison! that is when God told me what He did. the older i get the more in touch i become with my spiritual gift of prophecy. i dont even like to talk about it because i don't understand it and it really scares me a lot of times. at least several times per year i receive Words (mostly in the form of dreams or deeply knowing something intuitively for no external reason). yesterday i woke up and said today my friend is going to have her baby and soon after she called to tell me she was in labor. i also had a profound sense of fore-knowledge when we hit the deer a few months ago. i asked david right before we left the house, after agreeing to drive, that i would rather not because i felt we were going to hit a deer and would rather he be behind the wheel. (he is a better driver under stress). sure enough, WHAM! i remember my favorite prophetic word though. it was about amanda and matthew conceiving noah! within a week she found out she was pregnant.
augustine makes me laugh. his new thing is (when wearing socks) to pretend on the hardwood floors, that one of his feet is slipping away out from under him. he stands motionless and slowly but surely one foot starts going going going until he's almost doing the splits. he yells whoah! and laughs, then repeats it until i join in too. oh those slippery feet and floors, what shall we do!
oh and augustine has mad block stacking skills (video)
and this is pretty much my favorite video ever. (my parents finding out we are pregnant with Olive)
im spending the night with my parents (and augustine in tow) tomorrow night. david and my father in law are getting started on finishing out basement and we will sort of be in the way, not to mention augustine hates loud noises and couldnt possibly nap through hours of miter saws and hammers. im just excited to pick out new carpet and furniture. plus moving the kiddos toy room will be heavenly, as they will be sharing a not-huge bedroom. kid's dont need their own rooms thats for sure, but they do need more space than they have in there. especially since baby-baby things take up lots of space (swings, playmats, etc).
i took a nap with augustine at around 9. i dreamt david came home from work and laid down in bed only to find out he actually did and i wasnt dreaming. he had a migraine so i spent the day babying him (i love him afterall). quietly creeping into our bedroom after several hours to put more tylenol and a glass of ice water on the bedstand. poor guy.
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