Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Tylenol + dreams

today's entry brought to you by the makers of Tylenol! (i want to hug whoever invented the stuff)

went to the library today. usually this is a big pain in the rumpus because im usually carrying a billion books and videos and trying to corral a nearly two year old at the same time. lots of running away usually ensues. today he was pretty much a saint. a little girl took a shine to him (she was an older lady of about 3) and did that classic im-going-to-annoy-you-to-pay-attention-to-me thing which included her taking his books, magnets he was playing with, and quite a few times when he was sitting on the carpet "reading" a book she came over and stood on top of the page he was trying to turn. yeah he got pretty ticked off at that as you can imagine. but when she left he did wave goodbye to her. (or was it good riddance? ha!) he's such a hoot to be around. the older he gets the funnier he becomes i swear. i cant wait for him to get older and older and we can have real, hilarious discussions together. lately whenever he wants to take something with him (like when i motion or say we are leaving) he will take said object and put it under his chin near his ear like he's snuggling it. when i say do you want to take that with you? he giggles and smiles a lot, so happy i understand him. it stinks when he wants to take something home that isnt his though. today at the library he wanted to steal their melissa and doug magnets. we didn't take them. but we did walk out with waaay too many books and videos relating to big machines. gesh, the boy is obsessed.

after we left we went to get groceries, which being 7 months pregnant i dread. i could definitely wait for david to get home from work and then the three of us go together but the man works so hard and when i feel up to getting them i do. and yet every time i come home from the store i about collapse when i'm done putting everything away. between pushing a heavy cart, lifting groceries in and out of the car, a 30 lbs. toddler, and oh yeah a pregnant belly - im beat. today i had to stop half way through and take a 30 minute break. i made it a point to put away anything that needed refrigeration or put in the freezer first. the spaghetti sauce can wait know what i mean?

then of course i notice we are out of wood and more needs brought in for the fire *cries*

i had horrid dreams last night about unspeakable things happening to olive in my womb. then later another unspeakable horror about augustine. i woke up sweating, just had to run into his room and stroke his back for a few minutes and tell him how much i loved him. ive prayed all day for olive to be incredibly active in my belly. i need to feel her today. sometimes my mother-river rushes this way. i cant stop it. i think all mamas (and to a lesser but significant degree, papas too) are plagued with their own curse about worrying for their child/ren. mine always has been through dreams. its odd because i dont even have a large imagination i feel. normal/average at best. and yet the despicable things that enter my dreams sometimes would chill you to the bone. i cannot count how many times after augustine was born i found myself weeping next to his crib after a violent dream of someone hurting him. worse than any horror movie ive ever seen thats for sure. this is the cross i bear i suppose. my entire life ive had peculiar dreams, i guess i shouldnt expect them to be any different now. but during that post-birth period especially, i felt like i was almost being attacked in some spiritual warfare sort of way. it was exhausting.

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