tomorrow marks the day in which olive will have been outside as long as she had been inside my womb.
ive been thinking about life and it's brevity and gravity, what matters, what doesn't (or shouldnt). im trying to be more present in my life instead of having a mental to-do list and checking each thing off before rushing off to do the next. instead of trying to sneak out of the room as olive drops off to sleep i sit and stroke her hair and feel grateful for opportunities to realize how fleeting it all is. in hindsight i rushed through augustine's infancy, in some ways manipulating the experience so that *i* would get through it more quickly and conveniently and POOF now his babyhood is in the final stages of melting into boyhood. it slipped through my non-present fingers and no grasping can bring it back.
life is so fast and so long too. it seems just a moment ago i was living on the art of happiness in a bus traveling across the sierra morena mountains feeling so cultured, independent, wise even. (ha) now i live with one hand on my heart and the other holding a children's book as i over annunciate & do silly voices and gestures. i feel older but certainly wiser in the truer form than i ever have. im nowhere near the finish line, but im certainly not at the starting line in all of this either. a moment ago i married my high school sweetheart. a moment ago we shared a 500 sq/ft rat-trap of an apartment that had a water heater the size of a breadbox that necessitated the use of many pots of boiled water to fill up a bath (but we felt like King & Queen of the world, so full of love and optimism). a moment ago david graduated college at the top of his class. a moment ago we trusted God to provide a job & money when we had neither (and He did). and in just another moment david will graduate college again. in just a blink of a moment i will mother a smelly teenage boy and a rebellious teenage girl. not far from now ill have my first grandbaby bouncing on my knee and relive my life right now through the eyes of someone i once bounced and nursed and tickled and over annunciated and did silly voices and gestures to.