Thursday, April 09, 2009

day at the park

my gauge of friendship/trust is how likely i am to have a panic attack at the possibility of crying in front of you. there once was a time when i would have to take an ativan every week to go to church or home group. like i couldn't trust people with my inner messiness enough to relax, accept that people are not going to freak out on me if i just show up raw and in need of prayer and friendship, a sympathetic ear and shoulder or heck even full blown counseling! im getting better, but i've got this illogical voice that insists that people are all going to betray me and muck up our relationship. this is where a spiritual gift of suffering helps me filter out that erroneous voice i suppose. i feel like every other entry i talk about how great my church is but hey, IT IS! there is a spirit of giving that is so normal and effortless and it feels so much like home. i remember once i had the flu last fall and as i was getting over it and finally was able to separate my body from my pajamas and the couch i decide to try to go on a walk and take the kids to a park. the park is about a mile away so no biggie for a normal walk but when you've just passed the stage of puking and shivering and finally are so stir crazy as to venture out of the house after days of hibernating, it seemed like a marathon! i remember almost passing out several times as we walked. david was with me thankfully, but as soon as we got there david developed aura, indicating an impending migraine so he hoofed it home to take some meds and hop in bed. that left me, alone and barely able to stand upright at the park, a mile from home, with two kids which had to be pulled home in a wagon. i think as soon as he left i welled up with tears at the idea of sitting there for a few minutes and feeling so sick and exhausted, i knew i had bitten of more than i could chew with the trek home. i prayed for some help and i look over and i see someone wearing a central vineyard tshirt. we had only been going there a few months and i only knew this person by sight (jess aebi). she came up to me and asked if i was okay and i just broke down and said no, i wasn't alright and i didnt know how i would make it home. God bless her she packed us up in her car, wagon and all and drove us home. i've never forgotten that and literally every sunday i see her i still want to say thank you! anyways, i just had to say, for the one millionth time that i am grateful to my depth for a community around me that thinks nothing of sharing their lives and possessions.

i've been sick for a few days now, and apparently olive is sick now too. i went to the park today and she practically fell asleep on my shoulder, it was so so sweet. today is my day to pray about my relationship with my neighbors whom we share a wall with. yesterday was um quite a day over there it sounded like. i briefly met them, but never have actually talked to them. well today guess who was at the park! i made a bee line to the woman and introduced myself while the kids played together. it felt so good to have this prayer answered! then karen james shows up and that was just the perfect company. she's such a great listener, friend, sounding board.

olive is so sick she just peed on the couch and didn't even tell me. instead she just rolled over onto the floor and laid there watching cartoons. poor baby! david came home and they are snuggling on the couch (uhh the other non-peed on couch). augustine and i just made a pizza together and it's in the oven getting all delicious and bubbly. mmm...

4 comments:

Beth said...

Park story = tears. Love it.

Momof2boys said...

poor olive...that is so sad when they feel THAT bad...i hope you guys get to feeling better...you should know that i finished up the jello eggs and have another kitchen adventure ahead of me tomorrow...rice krispie treat eggs dipped in chocolate and sprinkles...yummm i hope

jenny mae. said...

um YUM!!!!

JVH said...

Jenny, your honesty and kind spirit bleeds through your words. You are truely a woman of the Lord and a wonderfull mother to your children. Don't ever forget that :)