so much going on. sites like twitter are sucking the life out of my journaling. boo hiss!
we are leaving for vacation sunday morning at ~4 am and busting our butts to get down to south carolina in under 10 hours. a generous friend has let us borrow an adapter for our computer so it can plug into our cigarette lighter as a power source. im going to get two head phones for the kids so they can just veg and watch dvds when they get bored. never in my life have i had mini van envy before leading up to this trip but all of a sudden we were like "gee, this WOULD be easier in a van" but uhh we are not van types and i dont even know what i mean by that. i think i perceive it as a physical symbol of something. clearly something ridiculous and irrational. if anything it is a physical representation of something i already am -- a settled, domestic, mother. there are very rad websites called Fillup4Free.com & Frybrid.com wherein people volunteer their locations so that people can stop by their house and ahem, fill up their tank with veggie oil for free. we are trying to link up with some people so we can make this vacation void of fuel costs. take that mini van envy!
family movie night is every tuesday night. i try to get a movie for augustine (the sandlot, etc) one week and the next one olive would like (like tinkerbell, etc). this week i chose the chronicles of narnia and i was a little nervous that it would be too scary (opening scene is of WWII bombing of london, a witch, people being killed). it is rated PG but meh i think it's seriously pushing it. however my fears were unfounded and augustine loved it! the only part he was stressed by was when the children were sent away from london to live with the professor. is their mommy sad they left? are they ever allowed to come home? why did she send them away? it had me in literal tears explaining what that sequence was about - love and protection. he loved all of the violence *cringe* and weaponry. i sat there sniffling and dabbing my eyes when aslan died for edmond but augustine could only focus on the fact that the girls who followed him to the stone table were missing out on the awesome battle and didn't they feel sad they didn't get to use their weapons santa claus gave them? i was kind of bummed that i didn't explain about how the whole story was a metaphor for God. this morning he was still jabbering about it. out of nowhere he started talking about aslan dying and said "you know, it's just like jesus died for us the way he died for edmond." COMMENCE HEAVY SOBBING! it is of utmost importance that i explain to my children what i believe - i pray it sticks with them but that is out of my hands. it is very hard to explain some things about God without totally freaking them out. however there are some very freaky things that i believe. (people raising from the dead, hello!) not to mention some are wholly disturbing (the method of execution Jesus endured, demons, and so on). i dont shy away from answering questions but it is hard to find an age-appropriate response to everything. one day augustine asked me about the crucifixion. he said he knew jesus died on a cross but HOW? yikes. i believe i said something about people humiliating him and then beating him up. it's so hard to know how much to tell them - must be honest but not give them irrational fears and nightmares.
speaking of last night, david slept at work last night. he left for work at 6:15 (?) and somewhere in the middle of the night he slunk to bed but when i talked to him as i was going to be (~11) he said he anticipated several more hours of work. good grief that poor man works hard!
im bumming about something - i am in the twilight of being able to pick up and hold augustine. he is 4 but i am living in denial that i will forever be able to pick him up. the last few times i've say, moved him from our bed into his own at night (one of the kids falls asleep in our bed every night because they share a room. putting them down together in the same room = PARTY TIME) i've had back spasms the next day. perhaps this, coupled with olive's slow descent into weaning and my mother-heart is full of a weird level of sadness.
finally, last night i had a dream lance armstrong and i were on opposite teams at a track meet. what is the deal with celebrities in my dreams lately? i could care less about celebrities and all of a sudden it seems i've got one a night infiltrating my sleep. at least i am sleeping well these days all thanks to melatonin so no real complaints.