grandparents

i went to sleep thinking about my grandparents. i have none left and what a sad thing that is. i see what joy my parents/in-laws take in their grandbabies, and vice versa for the children. i miss that. ache for that. but what's done is done and all four were called home, one before i was even born. i remember the smell of my paw paws (father's father) aftershave and his perpetual grin, even the cold, metallic scent of his lunchpail when he would come home from working in the factory when i was a littlie. i remember that every christmas eve before we would open gifts at their house he would read us the christmas story and pray. stuff like that means something. his wife, my maw maw, was the happiest, nay most jubilant person i've ever met. i remember once as a child going over to their house after church, stripping off my tights and underoos and doing a handstand on their couch to moon them. (any one care to risk guessing where olive might get it from?) my grandma had the smoothest hands, like they'd never had to do a moment of hard labor in their existence. a physical testimony to a doting husband i say. my other living grandparent, my bob-bob (mother's father), had a scratchy stubble that he liked to use to redden our faces while smooching on us. i remember he had a way with nature that i think passed down to me, he talked to dogs, spent time doing anything he could outdoors, worked with the land and his hands. he gave very firm hugs.

so i feel asleep thinking about how much i missed my grandparents but at the same time was so deeply grateful for their lives and presence that it was hard to be completely sad. they made my parents who they were who in turn made me who i am. anyways the first image on my tumblr this morning was the above pictured. the top photo hung above my grandpa's table and it made me audibly inhale when i saw it. some things just take you back in time. all of a sudden i could picture the room it hung in so clearly, could feel the smoothness of the rounded edges of the dark table.

i wish i would have known my grandparents infinitely more than i did.