Tuesday, September 23, 2008

i can think of no title worthy of this




this year has been a hard one on my heart. at the beginning of the year i dubbed 2008 "the year of treating others responsibly" but my heart will forever observe it as "the year of childless parents & parentless children". every sunday during worship especially, i find the memory of what happened in february rip open the stitches ive tried so hard to bind up. i get red faced and my breath shallow singing blessed be the name of the lord, and have yet to make it through it since february with all words being audible and hot tears coming down my face. last week? maybe the week before jeff preached briefly about how essential worship is to our souls. that even if we don't feel it, we must because it is transformative in it's power. ive never known that before this year. if i wasn't feeling it i just didn't get into it, stood there arms crossed and frowning waiting for the "real" part of the service to get going. but now i see that the wounds need to be reopened and for me, that happens when i revisit the hurt through surrendering during worship. i've got to keep taking it back to the feet of jesus and saying i don't know what to do with this pain. it's yours. your will be done.

i hope someone releases balloons at my funeral someday

7 comments:

Jen said...

Jenny- I can barely type through my tears but I want to thank you for posting this. My cousin who is 30 weeks pregnant just found out her baby has trisomy 18. Our whole family is kind of a wreck right now but it was great to see this video and the love and joy that can come from a child, no matter how long they are here on earth.

jenny mae. said...

i love the daily celebration of his life. i mean don't we wish we all lived like that as parents?

Amber said...

I've seen this video several times, but the tears never stay away...these brave parents (and SO many like them) amaze me, and challenge me in every way...

Its hardly consolation but have you read C.S Lewis book on grief. I think its called A Grief Observed. I haven't personally read it but my husband has and he took a lot away from it...just thought I would mention it.

Anonymous said...

This is so beautiful. I just had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and this is helping me to grieve. Thank you for sharing and posting. What an incredible family.

jamie n' matt said...

wow... i completely burst into tears on that one...

Radiantsun said...

you said what I was going to say...they celebrated the time they had with him,because they didn't know how long it would last. The truth is NONE of us know how long we will last...we should all give thanks everyday to everyone we love instead of wasting time fighting and being negative. Thank you for this video.

The Aspenberg Family said...

I was sobbing through the whole video clip! I hoanstly wish I was a parent like that to my children! The cherished every second they had with Little Elliot! I pray for their grieving hearts! It makes you stop and thank Jesus for your own precious gifts ! Thanks for posting that!