beatrix, a year later

when peace like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrow like sea billows roll,
whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say
it is well. it is well with my soul

this day, the anniversary of beatrix's death, did not creep up quietly. not that i expected it to i suppose. i don't know what to say really. what can you? i remember sitting in church this past sunday, next to my friend michelle who recently endured the miscarriage of one of her twins. worship time is the time i feel most raw about what happened last february. it is the time that makes me most reflect on seriously how utterly incapable i am of pulling myself together without God. we were singing You Are Good and it was so hard to form the words "you are good. you are good. and your love endures". i know it is true but today will forever be marked by a voice that is hoarse in praise. to sit next to michelle, to think of beatrix and the grief of maggie and austin and profess that God's love goes on and on and on - it was just a difficult but necessary truth to sing.